Rosenrot
by CenturyChild533
Summary: Title translation: RoseRed. Songfic. Even the red rose of love has thorns, as the unexpected events of the Fifteenth Angel teach Asuka Langley Sohryu.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion. Evangelion_ is property of ADV Films, Gainax, and Hideaki Anno. Should they ask, I will remove all traces of this story from public viewing.

I also do not own the band Rammstein, who are property of… themselves, I suppose. Should they ask, I will remove either the story or the lyrics.

Lyrics and translations are provided by Jeremy Williams of Should he ask, I would remove the lyrics from the story. Go visit the website if you're a Rammstein fan—it's good stuff.

"Rosenrot" 

Or "Rose-Red"

By CenturyChild533

The rain was pouring hard.

This was the first thought that registered in Asuka Langley Sohryu's mind as Evangelion Unit 02 was hauled up to the surface through the massive catapult. The thought was completely instinctual and seemingly random, but it bore a great deal of meaning to the Second Child. She felt horrible that day, with a combination of things wearing her mind down; the horrible weather was just a representation of her heart at the moment.

It had not been a good day for Asuka. A disappointing and thoroughly embarrassing synchronization test, a rebuke by Rei Ayanami in an elevator, and the usual load of baggage from Shinji and Misato topped the list of things that were making the German girl highly irritable.

And on top of everything else, she was on her period.

Things had only gotten worse when she figured _that _part out.

The red humanoid moved into position, sliding its arm into the grip of a positron rifle that was mounted inside one of the support towers. Asuka removed it, and the shutter on the tower closed. As she moved the rifle into position, Asuka thought about the importance of what was about to happen. "If I don't get better, they won't let me pilot anymore. I can't afford to screw this up." The targeting computer lowered into place over her head, and she looked at the two crosshairs, waiting for them to align and give her a clear shot at the Angel that was floating in orbit high above the city.

"I'll do this one by myself. I don't need anyone's help."

The crosshairs moved past each other again, and Asuka growled in frustration. "Dammit! Focus!"

The reticule locked on. At the same time, a blinding white light shone down and obscured Asuka's vision. "What in the world…"

She trailed off when she felt the Angel penetrate her mind.

Memories of her past began welling up to the surface, memories that she had tried her hardest to suppress for the past nine years. And she could hear an odd kind of voice in her head as each one played itself out before her eyes, tearing her apart.

Death – her mother committing suicide, leaving her only daughter behind.

Rejection – Kaji, reminding her that, despite all, she was still a child. A fact that she resented.

Loneliness – Shinji, a soul much like her own, had reached out to her so many times, and she had turned him away.

A paradox of emotion. That would be the best way to describe how Asuka saw herself as all of these events returned to her. For as long as she could coherently remember, Asuka had shut herself away from others, offering only the most minimal forms of contact, always keeping people at arm's distance. But now she realized just how much harm she had done herself by shunning her friends and those who could have become friends.

She hated to need… but secretly wished to.

Asuka clutched her head and screamed as more images flew through her mind, a torrent of emotion and suppressed sensations amplified by the Angel as it ravaged her mentally. A mental rape that was stronger than any kind of physical pain. Destruction of the mind and soul, Asuka found, was more painful than destruction of the body.

What was she to do? Did she surrender her impregnability and scream for help as she so badly wanted to? Or did she continue to stand defiant, refusing to back down even if it killed her?

Asuka heard and saw nothing but the madness being thrust upon her by her adversary. One glaring memory uprooted itself, throwing itself into sharp relief. It was from her childhood, at her mother's funeral. An old woman she did not recognize was crying, a handkerchief pressed against her face.

_"It's okay, Asuka. Let it all out."_

_"No. I'm going to think for myself. I don't need to cry."_

As the image died away, tears began to fall from the girl's eyes. She made her choice.

"HELP ME!"

( 0 0 0 )

Inside the NERV Inspection Division, covered with reinforced steel and a special mixture of Bakelite, sat the stagnant form of Unit 01. The purple titan was still, its mouth twisted into its usual feral expression that had been frozen into place by the armor and restraints along its form. It had been in this position since its pilot had been ejected from it in a freak accident after the Fourteenth Angel had ravaged the command center and Unit 01 had gone berserk, absorbing the young man in the Entry Plug in the process. The Commander had deemed it necessary that it be quarantined; at the moment, however, the behemoth was the picture of calm.

Its pilot, Shinji Ikari, was less so.

"I'll go!" he screamed, frustrated with the situation. Mere moments ago, Asuka's screams had filled the comm channels, filling Shinji's soul with a sense of desperation. _We have to do something. If we don't, she won't last much longer._

"No!" he heard the stern voice of Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki reply. "This Angel attacks the pilot's psyche."

Shinji's father's usual level tone cut in. "We cannot allow Unit 01 to be contaminated. You will remain there."

"All I have to do is avoid getting hit, right?" Shinji replied, his distress perfectly evident in his voice.

"Your success is not guaranteed."

"But at this rate, Asuka will…"

"I don't care," Gendo interrupted. "Rei, go down to Dogma and use the Lance."

Fuyutsuki began to say something, but Shinji cut in.

"Damn you."

Gendo flinched, a gesture that Fuyutsuki found infinitely unnerving. "What did you say to me, Third Child?" His tone was dangerous—razor-edged even. Fuyutsuki had only heard him speak that way to the Committee, and even then he did so very rarely.

By now, the whole of NERV who were present on the bridge were focused on the main view screen, on which the form of Shinji Ikari could be seen, his head lowered and his face shrouded by his tousled mop of brown hair.

"First you left me… then you killed Touji… and now you're going to leave Asuka out there to have her mind destroyed!" Shinji's tone was turning from one of barely contained fury to full-on rage. He raised his head, and his expression astonished the technicians. "I hope you burn in hell for this."

Gendo said nothing. A silence loomed over the command center, broken only by the pained screams of the Second Child. All in that stillness heard her words as she screamed, "HELP ME!"

Shinji sighed and glared coldly at the man with his hands folded, purveying his usual collected tone. Suddenly, Maya reported something unusual.

"Third Child's synchronization ratio is skyrocketing! Approaching 90 synch!"

Fuyutsuki blanched. "How is that possible!"

"Confirmed!" Makoto affirmed. "Synchronization ratio has risen and is holding stable at 93!"

Gendo rose, glaring at the image of his son. "What do you think you are doing?"

Shinji glowered at Gendo with an equally intimidating expression.

"Screw you. I'm going to save her, whether you like it or not."

And with that, he slammed the control yokes forward, shattering the Bakelite prison that Unit 01 was being held in and ripping through the steel bonds like tissue paper.

A girl saw a little rose  
It bloomed there in bright heights  
She asked her sweetheart  
if he could fetch it for her

Unit 01, in a fit of fury, reached towards the doors that led to the catapults, grabbed onto the edges where the sliding portions met, and ripped the massive gateway open, stomping through to the lifts.

Gendo looked to the technicians. "Lock out control of Unit 01 immediately."

Maya typed furiously into her computer. "Negative! The signals are being blocked from inside the Plug! We have no control over Unit 01!"

Gendo twitched again.

Fuyutsuki sighed. "He really is your son, Ikari."

The man glared at Fuyutsuki from behind his glasses before looking to another technician. "How long until Rei reaches the surface?"

"0.7 minutes," Shigeru said. "Unit 01 will be there before Unit 00 reaches the main street-lift."

Unit 01, meanwhile, stepped into one of the elevators and slammed the massive button marked "Emergency Manual Launch." The catapult fired, sending the massive purple form towards the surface, near where Unit 02 was.

"Hold on, Asuka," Shinji said. "I'm coming."

_She wants it and that's fine  
So it was and so it will always be  
She wants it and that's the custom  
Whatever she wants, she gets_

The shutters opened and the Eva reached the surface. Before it had, however, Shinji unhitched the catches binding Unit 01 to the metal frame and leaped, using the catapult's own momentum to propel the purple giant through the air toward Asuka. He could now clearly see the beam of white light being cast down from the heavens, illuminating the city but focused most of all on the now decrepit form of Unit 02. Shinji landed on the street, putting a good-sized dent into the concrete and running toward the red Evangelion, jumping into the path of the beam of light.

Asuka felt the pain stop abruptly, and she raised her eyes, gazing upon the form of her savior with relief. "Shinji… He came…"

All was well… until Shinji's scream cut through the air like a knife.

"SHINJI! NO!" This came not from Asuka, but rather from Misato, who watched the scene from the view screens. Her panicked tone surprised those around her.

"Mental contamination of the Third Child is beginning!" Makoto shouted. "Contamination spreading at a more accelerated rate now! His mind will be shattered!"

Gendo sat down. "What is the status of Unit 01?"

"No contamination as of yet; the attack is bypassing the Eva's internal systems and affecting the pilot directly."

"Very well. The pilot's condition is secondary; preserving Unit 01 and destroying the Angel are our top priorities."

Misato looked at Gendo, appalled that he would say such a thing. "Sir!"

"Stand down, Major, or I shall have you taken into custody."

Misato clenched her fists but silenced herself.

"How long until Rei reaches the surface?" Gendo continued as if no interruption had taken place.

"The lift has reached the surface now! Preparing to deploy the Lance!" informed Maya. "Unit 00 is in position."

Misato fumed. _I can't believe this is happening. Please… please… let this all work out._

She knew the futility of prayer. But at that moment, the woman cared very little.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka cried.

It was something she did very rarely now, but she could no longer suppress it within herself anymore. She hated seeing Shinji being put through this ordeal; she knew what it felt like and empathized. The recesses of her mind had been shown to her—things that she had forgotten and ignored for so long, they no longer seemed like her memories. A deep well of the mind, opened up, and the clearest thoughts exposed for her to see.

_Deep wells must be dug  
if you want clear water  
Rose-red, oh Rose-red  
Deep waters don't run still_

As she reflected upon the desperate nature of the circumstances, Asuka felt something—the familiar and frightening sensation that she had experienced before, when the Angel penetrated her mind. But now, it was no longer her own memories she was watching.

It was Shinji's.

She saw everything—his childhood, spent mostly with an uncle who had never warmed to the boy's presence; how the boy had been shunned by his father and forced to leave; and how he had lived his life in constant fear of pain.

And in all of these things… Asuka saw just how similar the two of them were.

Another memory pervaded her senses, filling her mind, eyes, and ears completely. It was of Shinji, sitting at the kitchen table, apologizing. Asuka could see herself in the corner, dressed only in a red towel.

_"Stop apologizing! Do you always think you're to blame for everything?"_

Asuka remembered that moment, but she felt something different than the irritation that she had felt at the boy's constant apologetic compulsion. This time, as she watched herself act these things out, she felt what Shinji felt: sadness. Her words had hurt him deeply, and now she was beginning to understand why. She had never once done anything to help him, only throwing verbal barbs at him whenever a conversation presented itself.

Yet here he was now, about to sacrifice his mind, his very soul, to save her. How could this be? Why would he do such a thing? It didn't make any sense; Shinji repaid her hatred with kindness.

Shinji felt something for her, and he had for the longest time. She had simply been too blinded by ignorance and her own security to see it.

_The boy climbs the mountain in torment  
He doesn't really care about the view  
Only the little rose is on his mind  
He brings it to his sweetheart_

How could she have been so blind? She cried even harder now, realizing that Shinji was about to die in the worst possible sense of the word, all because he had loved her. Had he? Yes, Asuka could say with assurance, after seeing his memories, that he had loved her. Shinji had proved that by saving her.

Now, she would be his killer.

_She wants it and that's fine  
So it was and so it will always be  
She wants it and that's the custom  
Whatever she wants she gets_

_Deep wells must be dug  
if you want clear water  
Rose-red, oh Rose-red  
Deep waters don't run still_

Asuka heard one of the technicians cry over the radio, "Pilot's mental state is collapsing!"

Another one announced, "Unit 00 is in position. Lance is being deployed."

Asuka blanched. Rei? Rei, the doll, Wonder Girl, was going to have to save her?

No.

Asuka forced Unit 02 to move, gripping Unit 01 around its slender waist and carrying it away from the beam of light. The memories were still flowing past her, but she persisted, and soon, they began to subside somewhat. She hoped beyond hope she wasn't too late to save him.

_At his boots, a stone breaks  
Doesn't want to be on the cliff anymore  
And a scream lets everyone know  
Both are falling to the ground_

_She wants it and that's fine  
So it was and so it will always be  
She wants it and that's the custom  
Whatever she wants she gets_

Abruptly, the flashes stopped. Asuka heard a technician say something about the Angel being destroyed, but she was too worried to care. She shouted into the radio, "What about Shinji? Is he alright?"

"Scanning…" Asuka recognized the voice of Ritsuko Akagi. "His mental wavelength is completely fried. There's no telling what kind of shape he's in. We'll have to wait until he regains consciousness."

Asuka paled. _No… Shinji, please don't do this to me… not now, not when I finally understand everything…_

_Deep wells must be dug  
if you want clear water  
Rose-red, oh Rose-red  
Deep waters don't run still_

And truthfully, she did understand. Shinji had wanted the rose of her love… and had torn himself apart with the thorns.

( 0 0 0 )

Misato hated hospitals; the cold, white sterility of the places was disconcerting, a feeling one should not associate with such a place. She had seen enough of hospitals from her days of trauma after Second Impact and had grown to loathe the atmosphere of sickness and despair that hung in the air like a thick fog. Now the woman once again found herself in the Cranial Nerve Unit of the NERV hospital, seated on a bench outside the room that Shinji was in. Asuka was next to her, silent, as she had been for the past few hours. Misato could understand her silence; the events of the Angel's attack must have been traumatic for her. Coupled with her worry for Shinji, who remained unconscious inside the hospital room, Asuka was a mess.

"I know this probably isn't the best time to tell you this," Misato said, regretting that she had to be the one to tell Asuka his news, "but once Shinji wakes up, the Commander wants to see the both of you."

Asuka yielded no response, staring blankly out of the window, which poured sunlight into the hallway. The white light only served to harshly accentuate the unfeeling aura of the place.

The door opened, and a nurse exited the room. "Major?" she said, looking to Misato.

Misato stood. "Is he alright?"

The nurse pushed her glasses back up on her nose, looking at the clipboard she had in her hands. "Physically, he's fine; no broken bones or internal bleeding. Mentally, though, I can't even begin to calculate the extent of the damage. I ran a thorough scan of every mental pattern I could track, and certain portions of his brain are completely inert."

Misato frowned visibly. "What does that mean?"

"It means," the nurse went on, visibly afraid of how Misato would react to this news, "that there's a good possibility that… Shinji might not wake up at all. And if he does, there's no telling how different he'll be due to the widespread damage."

For the first time since she had been removed from her Entry Plug, Asuka spoke. "When can I see him?"

The nurse turned her attention to the Second Child. "We've just finished running the tests, actually. You can see him now, if you'd like."

Asuka looked at Misato uncertainly. "Go on ahead," the purple-haired woman assured her. "I'll go in later."

The German nodded and strode past her guardian and the nurse, proceeding into the room slowly, hesitant of what she might find within. Shinji lay on the bed facing upward toward the ceiling, his eyes closed and his face lacking any kind of emotion. The void expression was enough to cause a small shudder to run down Asuka's spine. So many times, she had seen him with a smile on his face, despite whatever the circumstances were at the time.

It served as a callous reminder to her that nothing was constant. Anything could change.

She hated change.

Asuka reached the bedside, looking upon Shinji's stoic face, her heart beginning to ache. _He might never wake up, _she thought, a tear threatening to fall before she blinked it away. _He could be like this forever… and it's all my fault. _The German girl cursed herself, damning herself for her own weakness. _All because I needed help. I wasn't strong enough, and he sacrificed himself for me._

Asuka clenched her fists. _I'd have rather died._

She then relaxed, trying to regain her composure. "Shinji… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Asuka said nothing more, for if she had, she feared that her long dormant tears might finally fall. She sat in the chair next to the bed, determined to wait everything out.

It would not be long before the wait was over.

( 0 0 0 )

When Asuka next opened her eyes, the bright light of the afternoon sun had gone, replaced by the elegant luminescence of dusk, hazes of purple and red flowing into the room. _I must have dozed off, _she thought, stretching and rubbing her eyes tiredly. "Ah shit," Asuka grumbled angrily, rubbing a spot on her lower back. "I got a cramp from this stupid chair."

"I'm sorry," a soft voice replied.

_Wait, _Asuka thought. _I know that voice…_

Sure enough, as she turned to face the hospital bed, Asuka saw Shinji, wide-awake and sitting up, looking at her.

"Shinji!" she practically screamed, clamping the Japanese boy into a tight hug.

"Who?"

With that one simple word, Asuka's entire world shattered.

_Dear God, _she thought. _It can't be…_

"You mean… you don't remember your name?"

"No," Shinji said bewilderedly. "Why, should I?"

Asuka felt like she had been slapped. _Amnesia… He has amnesia… What am I going to do? This is my fault. This is my fault. _For once in her life, Asuka Langley Sohryu panicked. _How am I gonna tell Misato? Will he ever get his memory back? _Before she could think more fully on these questions, the door opened, and a man in a black suit and sunglasses entered the room. Asuka assumed he was from Section 2, NERV's investigation and protection division.

"Come with me. Commander Ikari wishes to speak with the two of you."

Shinji looked at Asuka as if for guidance. She said nothing, but merely helped escort him out of the room. They followed the agent down the hallways toward Gendo's office. The labyrinth of corridors was familiar to Asuka, but as she watched Shinji looking amazedly at the place as though seeing it for the first time, Asuka was pained by the display of childish fascination and innocence. _How much is he going to have to relearn? _

"So," Asuka said to the man in the suit, "what does the Commander want us for, anyway?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but I don't know. He didn't say."

"Shit," Asuka swore, frustrated with the smoke-and-mirrors involved with working at NERV.

She felt Shinji tap her on the shoulder. "So who is this Commander guy, anyway? And what does he want with me?"

"The Commander runs NERV – that's the organization that you work for. He also happens to be your dad."

"Oh, I see. By the way, you said my name was Shinji, right?" he asked, switching trains rather abruptly.

"Yes. Your name is Shinji Ikari."

A pause ensued. "What the hell kind of a name is that?" Shinji said.

Asuka snorted in an unexpected fit of laughter. She mentally reprimanded herself, telling herself that it wasn't funny. Her chastising was interrupted as the Section 2 agent escorted them through a large set of double doors and into the office of Gendo Ikari.

The office's lights were dimmed as usual, most of it being focused at two points: Gendo's glasses and a circle in the floor, one of the pieces of the Tree of Life diagram that had been etched into the ceiling and floor of the long room. The man in question sat at the far end of the chamber, his hands folded in front of his face in his usual stare-down mode. Asuka had only seen him do it a handful of times, and it still held its effect. Shinji, on the other hand, was less affected.

"Damn, who's the gargoyle down there?"

Gendo's eyes widened, though his glasses obscured the duo's view of his face.

Wincing slightly and fearing the repercussions of the remark (which she had found hilarious), Asuka said, "That would be your father, Shinji."

"Really?" Shinji squinted down the room and looked at him. "Hi, Dad."

"Second Child," Gendo said in his cold and unwavering tone, "could you please provide me an explanation as to what the _hell _is wrong with the Third Child?"

"He has amnesia because of what happened out there! What did you think it was, a headache?"

"Mind your tongue. You are speaking to a superior officer." The deadly seriousness of Gendo's voice told Asuka that he meant business. Today had most definitely not been a good one for either Asuka or the Commander.

"Now," Gendo went on, "we must discuss the charges that are to be brought up against…"

"Charges?" Asuka interrupted. "What do you mean 'charges'?"

Gendo was becoming irritated by the way the day was turning out. He glared at Asuka, his eyes shimmering with carefully concealed rage. "Insubordination, disregard of a direct order, destruction of NERV property, risking the destruction of an Evangelion Unit… need I go on?"

"What? I didn't do any of those things!"

"Not you," Gendo said, pointing at Shinji, who was twiddling him thumbs and glancing around the room idly. "The Third Child is the subject in question."

_Of course, _Asuka thought. _I should have guessed. He did all that to make it to the surface, didn't he? _"But how can you hold him at fault for that?"

Gendo looked at a file folder on his desk. "The damage caused by the Third Child's 'rescue mission' totaled up to enough to bankrupt several Third World nations. I expect him to be held liable for every penny."

"How could you do that! He doesn't even remember his own name, for God's sake!"

"It is irrelevant."

Shinji looked at Asuka. "Is he usually this much of an asshole?"

Gendo snapped. "Hold your tongue, or I'll cut it out!"

Shinji looked at him. "You need to shave, Dad. You're looking a little rough around the edges."

The bearded man fumed, slamming his hands down on his desk irritably. "Second Child, I suggest you do something about him immediately, before I take matters into my own hands."

"Fine. On one condition."

Gendo's eyebrow twitched, a gesture lending itself further to the extent of his irritation. "I do not think you are in any kind of position to be bargaining, Second Child."

"I'll keep him out of your hair," Asuka said, "if you drop charges and the liability for the damages." She smiled, knowing that sooner or later, he was bound to snap.

"No."

She looked at Shinji. "I guess I'll just leave him in here, then. Maybe you two could have a bit of a father/son… chat." She grinned wickedly, exposing a row of pearly white teeth twisted into a demented smile.

Gendo seethed. "Fine. Get out."

As Asuka led Shinji out of the office, she looked at Gendo with a gaze that mimicked his own heartless visage from no more than a few moments ago. "Now I know why he hated you so much."

As she closed the office door, Gendo found himself wondering if a single bullet would be enough to kill him.

( 0 0 0 )

As Shinji and Asuka exited the office, Misato took notice of Shinji's presence and began berating the redhead with questions. Before Asuka could get a word in edgewise, Shinji looked at Asuka strangely. "Who's this?" In a surprising moment of clarity, Misato understood what was going on.

"He doesn't remember me?"

"He doesn't remember much of _anything, _actually," Asuka elaborated. "Not even something as simple as his own name. He was about to drive the Commander up the wall just now." While she felt that giving Gendo a bit of payback was justified, Asuka had to keep reminding herself of the seriousness of Shinji's plight. _Now that Misato knows… no. I have to be the one to help him. I can't trust anyone else with something this important._

"So how are we going to get his memory back?" Misato asked.

"I don't know. You think I've done this before or something?" Asuka scratched her chin thoughtfully. "Maybe we could ask Dr. Akagi; she'll probably know something helpful."

"Good idea," Misato said. The trio then began their trek towards Ritsuko's office.

"Who is she?" asked Shinji, restating his earlier question, which had gone unanswered.

"Oh, sorry, I forgot to tell you. Misato's our guardian; we live with her in her apartment."

"Huh. Nifty," Shinji said, making a face that eerily reminded Asuka of Shinji's friend Kensuke Aida. It was enough to make Asuka somewhat jealous of her guardian, a feeling that made Asuka sick to her stomach. _So early, and I'm already losing._

It was odd, however, that Shinji's expression only lasted the barest second before he returned to taking in his environment with abandon. This alleviated Asuka's uneasiness. _I'm being paranoid, _she thought, kicking herself mentally.

"And what's your name?" Shinji cut into her thoughts without warning. "I didn't get to ask earlier."

"Oh. I'm Asuka Langley Sohryu. I'm your roommate, and…" Asuka stopped. _This is my chance to make up for everything – a fresh start to our relationship. Or what passed for one, anyway._

Shinji looked at her expectantly, awaiting the conclusion of her thought.

Asuka smiled. "I'm a friend."

The three of them knocked on the door of Ritsuko's office. The blonde woman noticed Shinji first. "So, he's awake after all."

Misato scowled. "You make it sound like you weren't expecting it."

"I wasn't," Ritsuko said matter-of-factly. "I assume you need help of some kind with his rehabilitation?"

"How do you reverse amnesia?" Asuka said, her patience fading and her dislike of Akagi beginning to intensify.

"Amnesia? Is that what happened to him?"

Asuka and Misato nodded. Shinji sniffed the air curiously. "I smell cigarettes. Anyone else smell cigarettes?"

Ritsuko rolled her eyes and sighed. "Emotional stimuli are often effective – that is, you have to show him things that will provoke his feelings. Try and get him back into his usual routine."

"Doesn't sound too hard," Asuka said. "He gets pretty emotional over everything."

"But try not to expose him to things too quickly. Overexposure can often be harmful to the psyche and cause even further damage to his memories."

Asuka nodded. "I'll be careful."

"Are we allowed to take him home?" Misato said, that motherly tone infiltrating her voice, as it sometimes did.

"Yes, I don't see why not. Just remember what I said about exposing him to things slowly," the doctor warned. She then retreated back into her office.

"Okay," said Misato. "I guess we'd better get going."

"Oh crap!" Asuka exclaimed. When the others looked at her perplexedly, she explained, "Misato has to drive us home!"

The purple-haired woman fumed. "And just what is _that _supposed to mean!"

"You're gonna traumatize Shinji! That's what I mean!"

"Why you…"

As the fight began, neither one of them noticed Shinji laughing heartily as he watched them bicker.

( 0 0 0 )

The evening progressed rather uneventfully after Shinji had been shown into the apartment. He had not managed to recover anything, which had disappointed Misato and Asuka, but he had found, however, that he liked Pen-Pen. That meeting had been rather fun to watch. Shinji had at first been surprised by the penguin's presence (the resulting exclamation was loud and had caused a noise complaint to be filed), but the boy had eventually come to terms with Pen-Pen and was now vastly amused by the warm-water penguin.

After dinner – which Asuka had made, much to Misato's surprise – Shinji had sat on the couch at the redhead's insistence and then watched her as she did the dishes. They had spoken very little, and Shinji did not seem to be recalling anything. She finished the dishes and came into the living room, taking a seat on the couch next to him, but not so close as to make him uncomfortable.

His eyes widened suddenly, something awakening from within the dormant recesses of his mind. "I think… I remember something."

"What do you remember?" Asuka babbled excitedly, scrambling over to him.

"It's fuzzy, but… I remember being here with you, in this room. It must have been for a long time. I remember… music? Yes, music… and dancing in synch? What's all that about?"

Asuka remembered what he was talking about. "The Seventh Angel training. Yeah, we had to move in synch to beat that one."

"Angels?"

Asuka tried her best with this matter, explaining everything she could about the Angels, the Evangelions, and NERV. As she was talking, Shinji began to recall small snippets of the events.

A girl with blue hair, smiling at him.

Dancing to the beat of the music, fighting the monster's two components.

Catching the falling Angel while Asuka stabbed the core.

Although they were merely fragments, it was a start to what the boy hoped would be many more. This girl Asuka… he could remember something about her. One of his memories suddenly made him laugh.

"What's so funny?" Asuka asked.

"Did you kiss me once?"

Asuka remembered that moment and blushed. "Yeah, I did."

"Why were you holding my nose?"

"Your breath was tickling me!" Her blush intensified.

"And so you tried to asphyxiate me?" Shinji retorted playfully.

"Oh, shut up!" She folded her arms. "Idiot," she muttered under her breath.

Shinji chuckled and leaned back, looking up at the ceiling.

Asuka, for her own part, was glad that Shinji was behaving this way. _I've always wondered_ _what he'd be like if he loosened up a little. Maybe this is what he could have turned out to be, if his life wasn't so fucked up. _

As intriguing as this was, however, it did make Asuka wonder about another possibility. _What if he gets his memory back and goes back to being his old self? _The thought stirred up mixed emotions in the Second Child; she wanted Shinji to regain his memories, but she feared what would happen when or if he did. _He might remember what happened and hate me for it. Or he might go back to being his old self and draw away from me again…_

Asuka mentally shook herself and fell unceremoniously back to reality. _I can't keep worrying about the possibilities, _she though determinedly. _All I can do is do the right thing and hope for the best._

She saw Shinji yawn out of the corner of her eye. "Tired?" Asuka inquired.

"Yeah. Where do I sleep?"

"Here, I'll take you to your room." She stood from the couch, but he stopped her by catching hold of her wrist gently.

"Wait. There was something I wanted to ask you, before I forget."

"What is it?"

"How do I feel about you?"

To say that Asuka was surprised would be a massive understatement. "W-What do you mean?" she stuttered. This had been the part she was afraid of: telling him the truth of what had happened and, more importantly, why it had happened.

"It's kind of hard to explain, but I get this weird feeling when I look at you, like a feeling I can't quite grasp," Shinji said, and Asuka could tell he was having a hard time comprehending the sensation. "A sense of an emotion maybe, that I may have felt but I can't remember. I thought you might know something about it."

Asuka grappled with her conscience for a moment, battling back and forth between telling the truth and lying. Finally, she replied, "I'm not really the one who should tell you that, Shinji. That's something you have to remember on your own."

Shinji looked at her skeptically. "Kind of a half-assed answer, don't you think?" His cobalt eyes penetrated hers, searching for the answer that the redhead seemed reluctant to divulge.

"I'm sorry," Asuka apologized, looking down at her feet. "I just think that's one thing you're better off finding out on your own. It's… complicated."

Shinji stood from his position on the couch and walked over to Asuka. She could feel his eyes on her, taking in every detail of her posture and the way that she acted. Then he did something rather uncharacteristic.

He hugged her. "Thank you," he whispered.

Asuka's eyes widened. "For what?"

"Helping me out today. You stuck up for me in that office, you helped me start getting my memory back… and you made me dinner." This prompted a laugh from both teenagers, but Asuka's smile faded quickly.

"But… I mean, after what I did…"

Shinji interrupted her. "Whatever you did, I'm sure it can't be that bad." He smiled, and Asuka felt her mental burden lessen considerably. "Now," Shinji said as he released Asuka, "where's my room?"

"This way, I'll show you." She led him down the hall and toward her room, wondering again if she was up to the task of regaining Shinji's memory. Granted, Asuka was willing to do what she could to help, but would it be enough? _I don't guess there's any way to tell, _she thought. She opened the door to Shinji's room. "Here it is."

Shinji entered the room slowly, his eyes wandering over every detail they could reach. He turned in a circle and then collapsed onto the bed, unknowingly in the same pose he had been in on many other previous nights. Asuka watched with mute interest before he said something to break the silence.

"An unfamiliar ceiling…"

What that meant exactly, Asuka wasn't sure. It must have been of some significance to Shinji, and that was what mattered the most. Asuka drew open the drawer on the nightstand, extracting a small, black rectangular object. "Maybe this'll help."

Shinji raised his head from the pillow curiously. "What is it?"

"Your SDAT player," she replied, handing him the tape device and his earbuds. "You're always listening to it—I figure it might help bring something back."

The young man turned the object over in his hands before plugging the earbuds into his ears. "Thanks, Asuka."

She smiled. "Good night, Shinji."

" 'Night, Asuka." He once again reclined, pushing the play button as his head hit the pillows with a dull thump.

As she slid the door shut behind her, Asuka thought over the day and its events. _It's been a long day for everyone, I guess, _she mused, opening the door to her own bedroom and collapsing onto her futon, too tired to even change out of her school uniform.

"Don't worry, Shinji," she whispered as she drifted off to sleep. "We'll get your memories back… together." Her eyes closed, and sleep came to her instantly.

But it was anything but restful. That night, Asuka's dreams were filled with fear, images of blood and rose petals dancing through her mind as she remembered a lyric from a story she had heard as a child…

_Snowy White and Rosy Red, _

_Will you beat your lover dead?_

And over all, she could see her Eva, Unit 02, being tortured by the Angel's psychic attack, the armor glittering in the ethereal light of the beam.

Rose-red… the color of Unit 02… and of blood.

TO BE CONTINUED

Author's Notes: Well that was kind of random, huh? I had this idea as I was listening to Rammstein's new album _Rosenrot. _The song is about a young woman who sees a beautiful red rose, and she asks her lover to fetch it for her. He dies in the process, with no other thought than pleasing his beloved. I started toying with ideas for an angsty Shinji-Asuka story, and it kind of mutated into this. For those of you who are thinking, "But Shinji didn't die!" consider this: death doesn't have to be physical, as the line in the story itself suggests. Some things are much more painful.

Pre-reading credit goes to Scout and That Other Guy. Check out his author page; he's got some new stuff up that I think you all will enjoy (especially if you enjoyed this).

No telling when the next chapter of this will come up. Please have patience with me. Please?


	2. Deep Wells

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion. Evangelion_ belongs to Gainax, Hideaki Anno, and ADV Films. If they should ask, I will remove this story from public view. I also do not own Rammstein, from whom the title of this story is taken.

Thanks to all the people who reviewed the first chapter, negative or positive. I apologize that this chapter took so long to get out, but due to unforeseen circumstances, it took a lot longer than I had anticipated. Hopefully, you won't be disappointed.

_Rosenrot_

Chapter 2: Deep Wells

_It's the simple things in life you treasure._

This was the first thought that Asuka had as she was awoken by a beautiful smell wafting its way into her room from the kitchen. The scent of cooking eggs was a welcome thing for the German girl for two reasons. Firstly, the meager dinner she had fixed last night was not nearly enough to sustain her. Secondly, Misato did not know how to cook eggs.

Which meant that the person behind the stove must be…

Asuka slid her bedroom door open and walked out into the hallway, the aroma of food luring her toward the kitchen. As she looked around the corner, the sight that greeted her almost caused her to leap for joy. Shinji stood in front of the stove, an apron tied around himself and one of the earbuds from his SDAT player in his ear, whistling contentedly to himself as he whisked the eggs with a spatula. The expression of relaxation on the young man's face relieved Asuka greatly; if he had indeed regained some of his memories, his personality still remained considerably looser than it usually was.

Asuka entered the kitchen and took a seat at the table as Shinji noticed her presence. He removed the earbud and turned off the tape player. "Morning, Asuka," Shinji said, continuing to work on the eggs.

"Good morning, Shinji," the redhead responded. "How was your night?"

"It was… interesting." He chuckled. "I remembered some of the stuff you told me about more clearly, like the Evas and all that. I think the music helped – thanks for that. Oh, and I remembered something vitally important."

"What's that?" she asked, curious as to what the Third Child was about to divulge.

"I can cook. And that Misato's food should be banned by the Geneva Convention."

Asuka lifted her eyes unto the heavens. "God," she said, clasping her hands, "you are indeed merciful."

Shinji laughed and scooped the eggs onto a trio of plates, along with some toast that he had made as well, setting one of the plates in front of Asuka and one for himself at an empty place. He poured two glasses of orange juice for them, tossing the empty carton into the garbage one-handed, and then took his seat. They ate in silence for a while until both teenagers heard a crashing noise from Misato's room. Shinji set his fork down and watched as Misato entered the kitchen, retrieved a can of beer from the fridge, and went back into her room again. A few moments of stunned silence passed before Shinji laughed heartily.

"Yeah, I'd been meaning to ask you about that," Shinji said as he caught his breath. "Does she do that every morning?"

"Pretty much. I'm just glad she didn't do that yell thing that…" Asuka's sentence was cut off as a belch resounded, followed by the patented Yebisu War-Cry.

Shinji laughed so hard that he fell to the floor. Asuka just fumed.

"So," Shinji said as he climbed back up into his seat, "what's on the agenda for today?"

"Well, I don't have any plans. It's Sunday, so I guess there's not much to do. I figured you and I could go out and try to get some of your memory back."

Shinji finished his eggs and carried his plate over to the sink. "How are we gonna do that?" he asked as he washed the dish thoroughly.

"The only thing I can think of is to take you to familiar places to try and jumpstart your brain." Asuka already had a couple of places in mind; she only hoped it would be enough.

"Sounds like a plan," said Shinji. "When do we start?"

"After I get ready. I'm sick of this damned school uniform," Asuka said, the distaste evident in her voice.

"That's another thing I was gonna ask. Do I own anything but white button up shirts and black jeans?" Shinji indicated his choice of attire – the same thing he wore every day – with a tone that told Asuka he'd rather go naked.

"Let me put it this way: if you do… I've never seen it."

Shinji looked crestfallen for a brief moment. "There's _got _to be something," the young man said before returning to his room. Asuka chuckled and returned to her room as well, sifting through her wardrobe, looking for a more suitable ensemble.

After only a few moments of searching, the girl found something that suited her needs. It was a pale yellow sundress—a modestly cut one that came to about mid-thigh. The outfit was cute without being terribly revealing – perfect for someone like Asuka. As she changed into the dress, Asuka remembered the last time she had worn it. _It was on the carrier when I was coming here from Germany, _she reminisced, the feeling of nostalgia covering her like a warm blanket. _That was the day we first met._

Asuka surveyed herself in the mirror. The dress fit as well as it had back then. _Knock 'em dead, _she thought, following with a swift mental kick in the ass. _What the hell am I doing?_ _I'm acting like I'm going on a date!_

Some part of Asuka's mind told her it was wishful thinking.

Asuka exited the room and reentered the kitchen, wondering if Shinji had succeeded in finding some different clothing. He had. Shinji was leaning back in a chair, his feet propped up on the kitchen table. He was wearing a blue hooded sweatshirt and a pair of black shorts. On his head, he wore an orange and red baseball cap bearing a logo that Asuka didn't recognize—some sort of odd shape with a circle and some curved lines.

While seeing Shinji in different clothes came as somewhat of a shock, what the boy was holding almost made Asuka's eyes fall out of her skull. Clutched in Shinji's right hand was a Yebisu beer can. Asuka freaked.

"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!" she shouted.

Shinji looked at the can. "So?"

"SO? It's BEER, you IDIOT!"

Again, Shinji examined the can. "I was thirsty."

The redhead seethed. She snatched the can from Shinji's grasp and poured the contents down the drain. "Your brain's already scrambled as it is! The last thing I need is you fucking up your head with alcohol!" Asuka growled and crushed the beer can on her forehead.

Shinji sighed and opened the refrigerator, extracting a can of KaraC. "You know," he said, popping the top on the can and taking a drink, "you sure worry a lot."

Asuka turned as red as a beet. Whether it was anger or embarrassment remained unclear to Shinji. "I do not!" the German girl said indignantly.

"Yes you do," Shinji said. "Just now you were worried about the beer, and last night you cooked dinner because you were worried about me. I could tell."

Her blush intensified, if such a thing were possible.

"Why?" Shinji asked.

"I don't worry about everything," Asuka retorted. "Just you." She had let the last part slip without realizing it. Before she could correct herself or toss out some sort of insult or something of the kind, Shinji butted in.

"Why? What reason do you have to worry?"

For a brief moment, Asuka considered telling him everything. She stood firm behind her decision from last night, however. _He's better off in the dark for the moment, _she thought, _until he's ready. I'll tell him everything – just not now._

It hurt, to be sure. More than anything, Asuka wanted to tell Shinji about the feelings he had forgotten, as well as the ones that she was now beginning to embrace. But she knew that the knowledge would be wasted on him if she told him now. _How could he feel that way if he doesn't even remember me? _Hopefully, that knowledge would return in time.

Rather than answering the Third Child's inquiry, Asuka said, "Come on, we'd better get going." She took Shinji by the wrist and led him from the apartment.

Shinji said nothing further on the matter.

( 0 0 0 )

As they walked down the sidewalks in search of anything familiar, Asuka had a moment to fully contemplate the situation, something that she had not yet had a chance to do during the whirlwind of happenings recently. There were only a few of Shinji's regained memories that Asuka knew for sure about; he had only spoken of remembering Eva, vague details of select Angel attacks, and the fact that he could cook. Until Shinji became more vocal, Asuka would have to assume that he had not remembered anything further. She stopped walking in front of their school and led him onto the grounds.

"You getting any signals from the mother ship yet?" Asuka asked jokingly.

Shinji looked up and down the narrow courtyard. "I think… I think I got beat up here."

Asuka looked up at him. "What?"

"Yes, I'm sure of it," Shinji said. "A big guy with spiky hair… There was a guy with glasses, too, but he just watched. And there was something about the spiky haired guy's sister getting hurt."

Though she had not been present for the events, Asuka recognized the description of the two boys. "Touji Suzuhara was the one who beat you up. The one with the glasses was Kensuke Aida. They're friends of yours now."

Shinji looked puzzled. "Why would I be friends with them if one of them beat me up?"

"Don't look at me," Asuka said, a dismissive note blatantly evident in her voice. "It happened before I got here. Besides, why you'd want to be friends with those two _anyway _is beyond me."

"Shinji nodded, "I guess we can't go inside the school. Maybe we should go somewhere else."

"Okay, I think I have an idea."

Just as they turned to leave, a calm, hushed voice called out to them. "Ikari? Sohryu?"

Asuka turned and groaned. "Oh, it's you, Wonder Girl."

Rei Ayanami ignored the other girl's comment. "What are you doing?" the blue-haired girl asked.

"Not that it's any of your business," Asuka said sharply, "but I'm helping Shinji get his memory back."

"Is something wrong with him?" Rei asked.

Shinji looked at Rei inquisitively. "Wow. Cool hair. Is it natural, or did you do something to it?"

Rei nodded, ignoring him. "I see."

"You mean no one told you? Weird, I would have expected the Commander to tell you, of all people," Asuka said, the snide tone in her voice making her dislike for the First Child blatantly apparent.

Again, Rei refrained from commenting. Instead, she turned her attention to Shinji. "How much do you remember, Ikari?"

Shinji shrugged. "Not much. Eva, a few scattered bits of Angel attacks, and very little else." Shinji did remember one thing about the blue-haired girl, however: the vision of her smile after the Fifth Angel attack. The significance of that gesture was lost on the amnesiac, though, because he did not remember the countless other times that Rei had been stoic and virtually expressionless. As a result, Shinji's perception of Rei would be a completely blank slate – a fact that did not escape the astute First Child.

"Hey, Asuka!" Shinji exclaimed, "I just had an idea!"

Asuka faced him. "Yeah, what is it?"

"Maybe we could get her to help us get my memory back!" Shinji said, pointing his thumb at Rei.

Asuka felt her face drain of blood. The thought of Rei helping Shinji was enough to turn her stomach. _I can't believe this, _Asuka thought to herself, bile beginning to rise in her throat. _She's gonna steal him from me! I can't let it happen!_

But despite the feelings of indignation and resentment welling up in her heart, Asuka knew there were ways in which the First Child could help. Rei had at least been around Shinji before Asuka had arrived; there was bound to be something that the First could help him remember.

"Fine," Asuka eventually replied. "You two go. I think I'm gonna go visit Hikari or something."

"You're sure it's okay?" Shinji asked.

"Why are you asking my permission!" Asuka said harshly, causing the boy to recoil slightly. "It's not like you need it. Go on ahead."

Shinji looked at Asuka and then to Rei. "Okay," he said to the blue-haired girl. "I'll go." He then looked at Asuka. "I won't stay out too late or anything," he said with a grin.

Asuka said nothing; she merely nodded in response.

As they went their separate directions, Asuka could have sworn that she saw Shinji cast a longing glance over his shoulder, but she dismissed the notion quickly. Nothing more than a mirage, created by her lonely heart.

( 0 0 0 )

Hikari Horaki had just set a pot of tea on the stove when the doorbell rang, startling her out of the dreamlike state that the brown-haired girl had been in. The class rep scrambled out of the kitchen to the front door and opened it, surprised to see Asuka on the other side of the frame. "Oh, hello, Asuka," Hikari greeted her. "What's up?"

"Hey, Hikari. Listen… are you free today?" Asuka asked. Something in the redhead's voice told the class rep that this was not a typical visit.

"Uh, sure, I guess so. Where did you want to go?"

"Wherever, it doesn't matter." Another red flag – Asuka always had a clear plan in mind.

"Okay, come on in. I just put some tea on."

Asuka smiled and entered, leaving her shoes at the door. "Thanks, Hikari. It's a good thing you were home; I don't know what I would have done otherwise."

Hikari looked at her friend. "Is something wrong, Asuka?"

"I'm… not sure," Asuka said. The hesitation told Hikari quite clearly that there _was _something wrong. "Maybe I'm just being stupid or paranoid, but I have to make sure."

As the tea on the stove heated, Asuka filled Hikari in on the situation, about the Fifteenth Angel and Shinji's amnesia. Asuka told her about the few memories that he had regained and finally about their confrontation with Rei a little while ago. Hikari, frankly, was confused. "Why's this bugging you so badly? Is it because of Rei, or is it something else?"

"Both," was the redhead's cryptic reply.

"What do you mean?"

Asuka looked at her feet. "I… I think I like Shinji."

This statement surprised Hikari more than she let on. _She always makes it seem like she hates Shinji—now she's saying that she likes him? This whole thing must have given her a change of heart. _"So you like him. I guess it's about time you admitted it."

"It's… not that simple, Hikari," Asuka said.

"What?" Hikari said confusedly.

"I figured it out, Hikari. I know why he took all the crap that I gave him, why he never fought back. He loved me. He _loved _me! And now he can't remember it, because I needed help and he rushed to save me. I can't lose him now. I have to help him remember."

Hikari understood now. "You don't like him… You love him too, don't you?"

Slowly, the German girl nodded. "Now you see why this thing with Rei showing up is pissing me off so bad. She just showed up, and now Shinji's off doing God-only-knows-what with Wonder Girl!"

Hikari took the pot off the stove as she talked and poured two cups full of tea. "Ayanami doesn't really seem like the type to do anything… distasteful, though," she said as she handed Asuka one of the cups. "Neither does Shinji."

"No one really knows much about the First, though," Asuka countered, "and remember, Shinji's brain is completely addled right now. Who knows what could happen?"

"I still think you're blowing this out of proportion. I mean, I can understand why, but don't you think you might be overreacting?"

Asuka took a long sip of her tea. "I don't know. Maybe." She sighed. "Dammit, I hate this feeling. I'm worrying, and I don't even know if it's justified or not. This sucks."

Hikari nodded. "I can understand that."

"So," Asuka continued, "what should I do?"

Hikari looked at Asuka intently. "If I were in your shoes… I'd keep fighting. Like I said, though, I don't think Ayanami is trying to steal him from you, but you have to stay close to Shinji. Keep helping him get his memory back, and help him remember his feelings. Then make your move."

Asuka looked at her friend confusedly for a moment before she spoke again. "You know, that's a more forceful approach than I would have expected from you."

Hikari hesitated and blushed, realizing exactly how direct of an approach she had suggested. "Well, only about stuff like this. And besides, you're not exactly acting like yourself either."

"What do you mean?"

"The whole 'soul-baring confession' isn't something you'd usually do, right?" Hikari asked.

Asuka considered the notion for a moment. "Hmm. I guess you're right. Seems like no one is themselves lately."

Hikari shrugged. "Well, anyway, that's the only thing I can think to tell you."

Asuka nodded. "Thanks, Hikari," she said, pushing her chair back from the table and going to the front door. "And thanks for the tea."

"What are you going to do, Asuka?" Hikari asked.

Asuka grinned. "Starting a fight." And with that, Asuka slipped her shoes on and left the house.

Hikari collected the empty tea dishes and took them to the sink. "Good luck, Asuka."

( 0 0 0 )

Rei opened her apartment door and allowed Shinji inside, not bothering to turn on the lights due to the bright rays streaming through the single window in the main room. Shinji slipped his shoes off at the door and entered slowly, taking a few hesitant steps inside before Rei began following. He surveyed the apartment for a while, pausing for an extra few seconds to examine the cabinet in the corner, upon which sat a beaker of water and a pair of glasses.

"This is where you live?" Shinji asked, meandering around the room and taking in the atmosphere of the place.

"Yes," Rei responded with a nod.

"Why are we here anyway?"

"There have only been a handful of times when the two of us have talked," Rei said, "and of these, a majority of them have taken place here. Do you remember anything?"

Shinji thought for a moment, his eyes making another sweep of the room and eventually falling upon the pair of glasses. "Are those yours?"

There was a moment's hesitation before Rei said, "…No."

"I didn't think so," Shinji said, an odd expression on his face.

"What is it?" Rei inquired.

Shinji grinned. "I remember when I came here to deliver your ID card… I put the glasses on, then you came and took them, and… and…"

"You fell on top of me," Rei finished.

"Yeah. Damn, talk about awkward."

"Awkward?"

"Well, it's not like I end up in that situation very often, you know?"

Rei nodded and murmured. "Is that all you remember?"

In truth, a blurred image was showing in Shinji's mind, relating once again to the pair of glasses. A hazy picture of a man behind a desk, the spectacles reflecting the fluorescent glow of the lights and obscuring the man's eyes from view. He moved, and his cold brown eyes became visible.

Shinji flinched.

"Is something the matter?" he heard Rei say.

"Whose glasses are those?" Shinji asked without hesitation.

"Commander Ikari's," the blue-haired girl answered.

"I see," Shinji said. "So… why do you have them?"

Rei said nothing.

Shinji looked at his feet, knowing he had crossed some sort of boundary that he should not have. "Never mind then," he said, trying to pass off his unintentional intrusion. "I guess I'd better get going." He started for the door and slipped his shoes on. "Asuka's probably home by now."

Rei nodded. "Goodbye then, Ikari."

"Bye," he said, slipping out the door.

The girl moved back into the apartment, glancing at the glasses with a look that would make grown men quake with fear.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka flicked the TV off, sighing and resigning herself to an unavoidable fact of life: after so many years of broadcasting, there was still nothing on television that was worth watching, especially not at a time like this. She looked around the apartment blankly, searching for anything to occupy the time. After a few moments of fruitless inactivity, Asuka retreated to her room and returned with a book, flopping unceremoniously back onto the couch.

_I hate being bored, _Asuka mused, flipping to a random page (for she had read this book many times before) and beginning to read. But despite her desire to take her mind off of things, the book was simply not enough to occupy her.

_Damn, _she swore, tossing the book to the ground, _where is he? _Shinji had not returned yet, and the sun was starting to change to warmer colors. Asuka glanced and the clock and groaned. _What am I getting so worked up over, anyway? It's not my business when he gets home. He can take care of himself._

It was only then that Asuka remembered: in his current state, he probably couldn't.

Before this thought could spark another tirade of worrying, the apartment's front door opened and Asuka bolted upright. She relaxed, however, when Misato entered the room.

"Hi, Asuka," the woman said, setting a couple of grocery bags onto the table.

Asuka merely grumbled a halfhearted reply.

"Where's Shinji?" Misato asked, beginning to put away the groceries, which consisted mainly of ramen, much to Asuka's distaste.

"With Wonder-Girl."

"Rei?"

"That's what I said. Wonder-Girl."

Misato sighed, not wanting to even start with Asuka's ill feelings towards the First Child. "So you two ran into her while you were out?"

"Yeah, while we were _trying _to get Shinji's memory back. He went with her, and I went to Hikari's and then came back here."

"So you just let him go then?"

"Why shouldn't I?" Asuka said, a bit more defensively than she had intended. "As much as I hate that girl, she has known him longer than I have. She might be able to help him remember something."

"Well, maybe, but that's not quite what I meant."

"What did you mean, then?" Asuka asked, finally directing all of her attention toward her guardian.

"I don't know. I guess it was because you seemed so adamant about helping him when he first came home from the hospital. For you to just let him go off like that seems… weird, somehow."

"Ah," Asuka said in realization. "Well, screw it. Like I said, what he does isn't my business."

Misato shrugged and sighed, seeing that the discussion was going nowhere, despite her attempts to show Asuka reason. She retrieved a beer can from the fridge but stopped to gaze at the pullout rack for an extra moment or two. "Hey, has someone been drinking my Yebisu?"

Asuka looked at Misato as thought she had sprouted extra ears. "What are you talking about?"

"One of the cans is missing!"

Asuka raised an eyebrow. "As much of that shit as you drink, how do you keep track?"

Misato considered this, scratching her chin thoughtfully, before waving it off and opening the can she was holding. When the woman's back was turned, Asuka smiled, remembering the beer that she had caught Shinji drinking that morning. She fell upon the couch once more.

"Anyway," Misato went on, "I'm pulling night duty tonight, so you and Shinji will be on your own."

"That means I won't have to starve to death," Asuka said, suppressing a laugh.

"I'll ignore that. And I brought some food home…"

"Anything other than ramen packets?"

"Yes, now shut up!" Misato said indignantly. "I'll be back later tonight or early tomorrow morning. At least, I hope so." With that, Misato scooped up her car keys and headed for the door. "See ya later."

"Bye," Asuka replied, waving a hand over the couch. Misato exited the apartment, her departure indicated by the swishing of automatic doors, and the redhead was left alone in the apartment once again. It had not been more than a few minutes when the door opened again, and the soft thumping of footsteps made its way into the main room.

"Sorry I'm late," Asuka heard Shinji say, "I got a little lost on the way here. Finally remembered where the place was."

Maintaining her air of casual indifference as best she could, Asuka looked over the top of the couch at him. "So, how did your romp with Wonder-Girl go?" As soon as the words left her mouth, Asuka slapped her palm to her forehead. _So much for indifference!_

Wisely choosing to overlook her odd behavior, Shinji shrugged noncommittally. "Didn't really remember anything." He neglected to mention his recollection of the incident that had occurred in Rei's apartment; Shinji felt it was of little significance.

Asuka sighed and shrugged. Í guess I shouldn't have expected anything out of her; the First isn't exactly reliable."

"Yeah, I guess not," Shinji said, a bit of guilt worming its way into his mind. Making a judgment about someone he hardly knew didn't feel right, but he would rather do that than risk angering Asuka. "She didn't really talk much. Seemed a bit standoffish, don't you think?"

"She's always like that, thinking that she's so perfect just because she's the Commander's little toy…"

"Somehow," Shinji interrupted, "I think there's more to it than that."

Asuka made an angry kind of snort and collapsed onto the couch lengthways. "Whatever. I don't want to talk about that bitch, if I can avoid it."

"All right then," Shinji said. He leaned against the couch and looked down at Asuka. She met his gaze.

"So, you haven't found anything new?"

"No, I don't…" As he spoke, he looked into Asuka's eyes, and a sharp jab of pain entered his mind, coupled with a painful remembrance. Shinji clapped a hand to his forehead in an attempt to stifle the discomfort, but the recollection thrust itself upon him mercilessly, clawing into his psyche and dredging up a haunting memory.

( 0 0 0 )

_The taste of blood filled his mouth as the LCL flowed into his lungs, a most sickening sensation, but it could not compare to the torture that Shinji was enduring currently._

_He could feel the Angel penetrating his mind, and the feelings of his past were amplified and shoved under his eyes. Loneliness…Anger…Despair… All of them collected and used against him like weapons. Shinji gritted his teeth, but his resolve continued to waver. He looked around futilely for an escape but found nothing except what he feared most: Asuka's face, looking at him from the communications channel._

_Shinji felt his mind snap. A scream erupted from his mouth, and everything went black._

( 0 0 0 )

When his eyes opened again, Shinji was on the floor (which appeared vertical from his standpoint), and a dull ache pounded in his skull. Asuka's head became visible as she leaned into his field of vision. "Are you all right?" she asked, her voice sounding kind of panicked. The tone of the girl's voice, however, was the last thing on Shinji's mind.

"What happened to me?" the boy asked in a stern voice.

"I don't know, you just sort of passed out, and…"

"No," Shinji interrupted, not bothering to raise himself from the floor. "I meant how did I end up this way? How did I lose my memory?"

This was the moment – one of many, as a matter of fact – that she had been dreading. She decided, though, that it would be better to come clean now than to keep the truth from him any longer. "There was… an accident. You tried to save me from one of the Angels… and you did, but the Angel attacked your mind. It damaged your brain, and you forgot everything."

There was a dark silence, like a black veil separating the two teenagers and shrouding their thoughts from one another. Asuka forced a laugh, attempting to ease the mood. "I guess that's what you get for trying to be a hero. Idiot." She said this, however, not out of malice but rather with an odd kind of affection, as though to hide her true emotions behind the guise of an insult.

A sickly, strained grin passed across Shinji's face. "But… did I know how dangerous it was when I did it?"

"Of course! If you didn't, you're even dumber than I thought."

Shinji made a thoughtful noise. "So, why did I do it?" He looked deep into Asuka's eyes as he asked this, scouring her face for even the slightest hint of dishonesty.

"I…" Asuka hesitated, the words forming an inert lump in her throat. There was always the answer she suspected but had no proof of: that Shinji had had feelings for her.

"I don't know," Asuka finally choked out.

Shinji's sharp gaze penetrated her to the core. "You're hiding something," he said as he lifted himself from the floor, straightening his hat.

"What makes you say that?" Asuka said, indignation in every syllable.

Shinji faced her, no more than a foot of distance separating them. "You're trembling," the young man said soothingly, placing his hands gently and comfortingly upon Asuka's shoulders. A glimmer in his eyes accentuated the soft smile on his face, and Asuka saw the old Shinji in the expression that he made. He was trapped, buried, but he was still there.

"Is something wrong?" Shinji asked, his voice only just above a whisper.

"Since when do you think you can read my mind!" Asuka shouted, knocking his hands away from her shoulders. As soon as she did this, a shiver wracked her body, but the redhead ignored the peculiar sensation. "Don't even think for a second that you can start trying to help me! I don't need your help!"

Shinji frowned. "Yes you do."

Asuka glared at him. "What did you just say?"

"You need my help as much as I need yours."

The girl scoffed, throwing her hands into the air. "And how are you supposed to do that when you don't know a goddamn thing about me!"

"If you were always like this," Shinji said levelly, unperturbed by Asuka's display of anger, "then I wouldn't know anything about you to begin with."

Snarling, Asuka reared her hand back and brought it forward toward Shinji's face with enough force to lay the boy out flat.

The blow never landed.

Faster than Asuka could react, Shinji's hand lashed out and caught her arm around the wrist. The sunned redhead now found herself staring into the Japanese boy's face, which now had a hardened expression on it. The look he was giving her, along with his defensive move, proved something to Asuka: even if they recovered his memory, Shinji had changed. Possibly forever.

Without the memories of his past, Asuka realized that there was nothing holding Shinji back from doing as he pleased. _That explains why he's acting more boldly, _Asuka thought. _His past, his memories were what made him so reserved. Without them… he's a normal guy._

"Let go," Asuka said.

"Not until you tell me what the problem is," Shinji replied resolutely.

"You wouldn't understand."

"How do you know if you don't try?"

"No one understands!" the girl cried, wrenching her arm from Shinji's grip. "This is _my _problem, and _I'll _deal with it!"

"You tried to help me; at least let me try to help you."

Without another word, Asuka stormed into her room and slammed the door shut. Shinji sighed and collapsed onto the couch, his head aching terribly. Part of this was due to him falling on the floor a while ago, but it was mostly brought on by stress.

Between trying to regain his memory (and the beginnings of comprehension of the painful puzzle) and worrying about Asuka and her problems, Shinji was a mess.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka jolted upright, her hair falling over her shoulders and sweat drenching her pale form. The girl looked like a ghost, her eyes widened with the sudden shock of leaving a nightmare behind and being thrust into reality. Gasping for breath, Asuka wiped some of the perspiration from her brow and held her breath, trying to calm herself down. The vivid images of the nightmarish flashback lingered like pale specters in her mind, taunting her with voices of days gone by.

_Don't stop being my mother!_

Asuka flinched at the recollection and quickly withdrew from the bed, walking into the bathroom and running the faucet. She placed a washcloth under the water and wiped her face and arms, ridding herself of some of the sickening sensations.

_Why did I have to remember that? _Asuka thought angrily. _I never want to think about that again._

She was not naïve enough to truly believe that the past would ever fully disappear.

Asuka glared balefully at her reflection for a moment before exiting the bathroom and heading for the kitchen and the fridge. She saw a box on the counter that was labeled "Spicy Curry Bread," and she cringed. _If that's Misato's idea of groceries, I don't even want to see the rest of the stuff she got. _As she reached for the refrigerator, Asuka could hear the faint sounds of music coming from the living room, accompanied by a soft male voice.

"_Cum sancto spiritu in Gloria Dei patris, Dei patris, Amen."_

Asuka peered to the side of the couch and saw Shinji lying down, staring blankly at the ceiling. He waved a single finger to the beat of the music, singing the melody of the song with a voice that made Asuka feel at ease, despite her nightmares before. Suddenly, Shinji noticed her and he silenced himself quickly.

"Sorry," Shinji whispered, "I hope I didn't wake you."

Asuka shrugged. "What are you listening to, anyway?"

"Vivaldi," the boy replied. "I just now remembered the words."

Asuka nodded. "Listen, about earlier…"

"It was my fault," Shinji cut in. "I shouldn't have been prying into stuff like that. It's not my business."

Asuka chuckled and sat down on the couch. "Even without your memories, you still apologize for everything."

"I guess so."

"I don't guess I ever told you anything about my past. I mean… about the two of us," Asuka said after a few moments of silence.

"It's okay, you don't have to," the boy said.

"It's about you anyway; I figure you of all people deserve to know."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't be sure, but… I think… I think you loved me," the girl said, a note of hesitation in her voice.

Shinji paused for a moment before he responded. "That was what you've been worried about all this time?"

"Yeah."

Shinji chuckled. "Well, now I guess everything makes more sense. Explains why I risked my life to save you."

Asuka nodded. "I never did thank you for that," she said, smiling.

"What are friends for?" Shinji said, also smiling.

There was a long, pregnant silence between the two, each one lost in their own feelings. Shinji was the first to speak. "So… what did you feel about me?"

Asuka contemplated this for a moment before she replied, "I'm not really sure. I've been trying to figure that out for the past few days."

Another silence fell before Asuka spoke again.

"Kiss me."

Shinji flinched, looking at her wide-eyed. "What?"

"I need to know something. Just… let me, please?"

Shinji looked at her intently. "You're not gonna hold my nose shut, are you?"

Asuka laughed. "No, not this time. Not unless you want me to, that is."

"I'd rather like to breathe, thanks," the boy responded. After a moment, he gulped. "All right." Shinji edged closer to Asuka, whose eyes drifted shut as she too inched closer toward him.

Their lips made contact, and Shinji's mind exploded. White-hot light flooded his consciousness, and a seemingly endless torrent of emotion and memory flew past his eyes, rewiring his brain and re-forging old connections that had been damaged by the Angel's psychic barrage.

In a single moment, Shinji Ikari returned.

He remembered everything.

Author's Notes: I apologize for the delay in this chapter. Hopefully the final chapter will be a lot faster in appearing than this one.

Prereading credit for this goes to Scout and That Other Guy, as always. Thanks!

PS: Bonus points to anyone who can spot the three (count 'em, three) FLCL references in this chapter.

PPS: More bonus points to anyone who can catch the jab at everyone who said Asuka was OOC in the last chapter.


	3. Clear Water

Disclaimer: I do not own _Neon Genesis Evangelion. _The series belongs to Gainax, Hideaki Anno, and ADV Films. If they ask, I will remove this story from public view. I also do not own Rammstein, from whom the inspiration for this story came.

This is the third and final installment of Rosenrot. Many thanks are due to everyone who read the story and to everyone who reviewed. I hope that this final chapter satisfies you as much as the previous two, if not more so.

**_Rosenrot _**

**Chapter 3: Clear Water**

Asuka opened her eyes and immediately regretted doing so. Not only because of the light emanating from the fixture overhead, but because the recollection of the previous evening returned to her like a train running over a herd of cattle: painful, messy, and completely unwelcome. The girl groaned, rolling over and facing off to the side, hoping that she would be able to go back to sleep. Once she realized that she couldn't, Asuka used what minimal strength she could muster and rose tiredly, trudging into the kitchen. She found Misato awake, but not drinking her customary morning beer. This unnerved the Second Child, as she had never seen her guardian wake up without drinking a can of Yebisu. Shrugging it off mentally, Asuka entered the room and slumped into a chair at the kitchen table.

Misato looked at the girl for a moment, noticing that Asuka looked about as ragged as Misato felt; a hangover coupled with very little sleep tended to do that. "Looks like you didn't sleep well last night."

Asuka grunted in response, in no mood to even _think _about last night.

"I heard some arguing going on. What happened?"

"None of your business," Asuka mumbled.

"It _is _my business. You and Shinji are under my supervision, and I want to know what's wrong." Misato's tone was surprisingly businesslike, and Asuka didn't like the severe voice that the older woman was speaking with.

The German girl caved in, her usual fiery spirit failing her for what seemed like the millionth time since the Fifteenth Angel's attack. "Shinji… got his memories back."

Misato's eyes widened. "He did! When?"

"Last night," Asuka said, not meeting her guardian's eyes and staring out into the living room, to the couch she had been sitting on mere hours before. "I'm not gonna lie to you, Misato. He hates me now. I know he does."

Misato looked at the girl, confused. "What? Why would he hate you?"

Asuka did not want to have to explain all of this, but she felt she had no choice. "How much did you hear last night, Misato?"

"Not too much," the purple-haired woman said. "Just enough screaming to keep me up half the night."

"I guess I should tell you what happened, then," Asuka grumbled unhappily. Her eyes met Misato's, and her tone took on a serious edge, much like Misato's from a few moments before. "What I'm about to tell you doesn't leave this room. Understand?"

If Asuka was determined to keep it in such a confidence, Misato was not about to break it. She knew it must be important to Asuka for the girl to act this way. "You know I wouldn't tell anybody."

A moment of silence ensued, as if Asuka were having second thoughts, before she finally told Misato the whole tale.

( 0 0 0 )

_Shinji broke the kiss abruptly, causing Asuka to stumble before regaining her balance. She looked up at the boy in confusion. "What's wrong?"_

_Shinji looked at her, an expression of shock plastered on his face, his eyes widened. "I remember now. I remember everything."_

_She gasped, unable to contain her emotions, both negative and positive. "You do?"_

_"Asuka… you didn't tell me everything."_

_She inched away from him, preparing for the worst. _

_"You didn't tell me about all the pain you've caused me… you never told me about all those times when you've made me feel worthless. Why didn't you tell me?"_

_Asuka hung her head. "I wanted to…" She stopped, unable to admit what she had done._

_"You wanted to try and bring me back the way you wanted me to be, didn't you!"_

"_No," she whispered, "it wasn't like that…"_

"_Then what was it like! Tell me! TELL ME!" Shinji was screaming now, tears threatening to fall from his eyes. _

_"I just… I saw what you were like without your memories… that side of you that you never showed anyone… and I didn't want to lose that! Is that so wrong of me?"_

_"YES!" Shinji shouted. "Yes, it is! Because you lied to me to get what you wanted! You used me, just like you always have!"_

_"I never lied to you, I just didn't tell you everything…"_

_"That's just as bad! How could you, Asuka! HOW COULD YOU!"_

Silence loomed over the apartment, the moonlight casting an eerie effulgence into the room and causing Shinji's tears to glisten like diamonds as they dropped from his cobalt eyes. Asuka couldn't bear to look at him and instead stared at the couch.

_"Why?" she heard Shinji whisper, so softly that she barely heard it amongst his sobs. "Why?"_

_Three words hung in her throat, unable to be spoken._

_Shinji stood and walked to his room, throwing the door open and walking inside, looking over his shoulder at the redhead. In that instant, she realized her mistake._

_Even with his memories, Shinji was different. She had said this before, but she had not realized the magnitude of the revelation. Now his memories would cause him to shrink away once again. But he would never be able to fully undo the damage that had been inflicted upon him. The new Shinji, whom she had only known for a brief time, had surfaced, and Shinji could not suppress or ignore him any longer._

_But because of what she had done, she might never see him again._

_Shinji shut the door to his room, and Asuka heard him collapse onto the bed. Once she was sure he was asleep, only then did she allow her own tears to fall._

( 0 0 0 )

Misato looked at Asuka after she had finished. "You love him… don't you?"

Asuka nodded slowly, laying her head down on the table.

It pained Misato to see this happen to either one of her charges. In the time that they had been under her care, Misato had grown to think of Shinji and Asuka as her children, and she hated to see the redhead in the state she was currently in. She had felt this before, once, and she was not about to let Asuka make the mistake that she had.

Asuka spoke before Misato could say anything. "Shinji's not here, is he?"

"No," the older woman said. "He left this morning. But he'll be back. He's not running away again."

Neither one of them said anything for a while, thinking things over carefully. Misato was the first to break the silence. "Look, I know I'm not the best person to be giving out advice or anything, but I want to help you, if I can."

"I know. And thanks," Asuka said, looking up and forcing a smile.

"Shinji can't hate you, Asuka. I know he must feel the same way for you as you do for him, otherwise he wouldn't have saved your life. But he's confused right now. So much has happened so fast that he just doesn't know what to do. I can only think of one thing you can do to make this better."

"What's that?" Asuka asked, genuine interest showing for the first time since the discussion started.

Misato smiled. "Tell him."

Asuka cocked an eyebrow. "Tell him what?"

"Everything. How you feel about him."

"I can't just tell him all that!"

"Why not?" Misato looked intently at the girl from across the table. "Why can't you just tell him everything? What's stopping you?"

Asuka averted her eyes once more, now finding a coffee mug sitting on the table incredibly interesting. "I guess… you know my past, don't you, Misato?"

Misato nodded gravely. "Yes. I had to read it when I took you in."

"That's what's stopping me," Asuka said tiredly, as though the burden of her past was crushing her words. "I can't bring myself to tell him all of that. And if he doesn't know any of that… he can't possibly be able to feel anything for me. If he doesn't know me, he can't love me, right?"

"That's not true," Misato said. "And besides, you know parts of his past now, because of this whole thing happening. You've seen his past. Now you have to tell him yours."

"Misato, I can't just walk up to him and say, 'Hey, Shinji, guess what? I had a shitty childhood.' I've never told _anyone _all that stuff. The only reason you know is because you read it in my files. I wouldn't have told you anything."

"I know," Misato said, "but this is different. You love Shinji, and you have to be honest with him. If you're not, then your relationship will end up in the crapper, just like m…" She stopped her sentence abruptly. "Point is, you have to tell him the truth, otherwise you guys will fall apart."

Asuka turned her head, and her bloodshot eyes met Misato's. "In case you haven't noticed, I think we fell apart before we even got started." Asuka's voice lacked any kind of passion at all, an odd thing that Misato did not fail to notice. This whole mess was really starting to take a toll on the girl, and Misato was sure that Shinji was not doing any better.

After a time of simply staring off into space, Misato spoke again. "I hate to tell you this, but you and the others have a synch test today. I'll have to call Shinji and remind him."

Asuka sighed languidly. "Can't you do something? I don't think anyone except Ayanami is in a mood to pilot today." Asuka's use of Rei's real name spoke volumes to Misato about the way that the German girl was feeling at the moment.

"I don't know. It doesn't start until later this afternoon, though, so you should have some time to rest… or go find Shinji."

"Do you have any idea where he went?" Asuka asked, perking up suddenly. Despite her reluctance to share her past, she still wanted to find him as soon as possible before he did something drastic.

"No," Misato said. "Sorry."

"Well jeez, you're a lot of help," Asuka said with a bit of a laugh. She quickly reverted back to her previous state, though, and looked at the door. She stood and walked to her bedroom.

Misato looked over her shoulder. "Are you going to go find him?"

Asuka met her guardian's eyes once more. "What else can I do?" she asked rhetorically. "He fought for me. He saved my life. Now I have to do the same for him."

As Asuka went into her room, Misato smiled, popping the tab on a beer can. _Now that I've handled that, I can start drinking again._

( 0 0 0 )

The wind whipped at Shinji Ikari's clothing, and he removed his hat and tucked it inside one of the pockets of his hooded sweatshirt to prevent losing it. His hair lashed about as he stared out onto the city from his location atop a fairly large hunk of rock on the city's outskirts. He sighed, but the rushing of the wind drowned out any sound the small gesture might have made.

_I wonder if Asuka is looking for me, _he thought dejectedly. _Not that I want her to._

This place was one of the spots he had gone to the first time he had run away. Now, though, it was being used for a momentary getaway. He would go back to Tokyo-3, but at the moment, he surely did not feel like doing so. For now, he merely wanted to reflect upon everything that had happened to him.

_I love her, _Shinji thought, his heart feeling two different sensations at the notion. For a moment, he felt lighter, seeing her face in his mind's eye, but it was quickly dowsed by the feeling of a rock dropping into his stomach. _But I can't do anything about it._

He looked out onto the cityscape again. He could just imagine what Asuka and Misato were doing right now, sitting about idly and waiting for him to return. _They know me well enough to know I won't leave again. They're just doing what they're supposed to do: giving me some space to think. _It surprised Shinji how different his own thought processes were now; he was beginning to see changes in the way he thought of people, and he even felt surer of himself.

_I'm not weak anymore, _Shinji thought. _This whole thing has made me stronger._

Taking that last thought straight to heart, Shinji stood from a sitting position, his gaze now determined rather than dejected. _Now all I have to do… is prove it._

He walked the path away from the cliff and back toward the city.

( 0 0 0 )

Asuka reentered the kitchen dressed in her school uniform, the first thing that she had found in her closet upon searching. She sat down at the table again, just as the house phone rang. Misato picked up the receiver. "Hello?" she said, not in the most cheerful tone.

There was a pause, and her eyes widened. "Shinji? Where are you?"

Another pause. "No, no, stay where you are. I'll send someone to pick you up. Remember, we've got a synch test in about four hours, okay?"

Asuka heard the faint electronic mumble of Shinji's voice on the other end of the line, and it took every ounce of the girl's willpower to keep from snatching the phone from Misato's grasp. She watched with a feverish anticipation as Misato said, "Okay. See you in a while, Shinji," and hung up the receiver.

Asuka looked at her. "Well?"

Misato smiled. "He's at the park. Go."

Asuka nodded. She rushed to the door, slipping her shoes on and tearing out of the apartment.

Misato grinned as she left. "Good luck, you two."

She knew that both of them were going to need it.

( 0 0 0 )

The park was empty, an unusual thing for that time of day. Late on a Sunday morning, people usually came to the park for various reasons – gatherings of friends, church groups, and the like – and the expanse of the park was usually fairly crowded by the throng of people. Now, however, Asuka saw no one save for the boy leaning against a sakura tree upon the hill. She herself was standing behind one of the larger trees, watching him intently. The redhead looked at her shoulders and emitted a low growl, brushing off some pink petals that had fallen onto her from the branches above. _Dammit. _She returned her gaze to Shinji, who looked as though he was listening to his SDAT. _Typical, _the redhead thought, _his usual escape from reality. If a problem comes along, don't deal with it. Shun it, and maybe it'll go away._

Well, she wasn't about to let this one slide. Her talk with Misato had set a fire in her belly, a determination to set this whole thing straight. But now, as she stood under the tree and more petals fell onto her head, she could not bring herself to move. _If I go over there, I bet I'll just make things worse, _the meeker half of her brain said.

_But you know you have to! Quit being a weakling and do it! _the determined half screamed back.

Before her other half could respond, Asuka brought her palm to her forehead, silencing them both effectively. "When I start getting into arguments with myself, I _know _it's all over," she muttered and forced herself to begin walking forward.

She stopped, however, as she noticed another person walking toward the tree from the front. She saw Shinji remove his earbuds and look at the newcomer, and Asuka's heart sank as she noticed what she was most afraid of.

Even from this extreme distance, Asuka could see blue hair.

_Damn it, _Asuka thought angrily to herself, grinding her teeth and slamming her fist into the tree trunk. Pain shot through her knuckles and up her arm, but she paid no attention to it. _Just when I'm about to go finish this, Wondergirl shows up to ruin everything. Damn! _She hit the tree again, a bit of blood dribbling from her middle knuckle. Asuka looked back to the tree, where Rei was now seated next to Shinji. True, it did not seem that there was anything out of the ordinary going on. It's not like he was all over the girl; in fact, he didn't even seem to be acknowledging her presence save for the fact that she could see him speaking. But Rei's intrusion was the last straw. Asuka turned on her heel and walked back toward the entrance gates and out into the streets of the city again.

Despite her usual instincts, tears still threatened to fall from her eyes. She was being irrational, and she knew it to a degree. She wanted so desperately to turn around and walk back to the park and confess everything to Shinji, Ayanami be damned. But instead, she continued to walk down the street. This realization brought with it a new stab of pain. If she could even deal with her own emotions, how would it be possible to show that side of herself to Shinji? Again, more agony welled up for a moment, and with it, a tear drifted down her cheek.

_Maybe it's better this way, _Asuka thought. _I mean, what if Misato's wrong? What if he doesn't like me that way? And I don't know how he feels now, after everything that's happened. She might have been right once, but there's no guarantee he feels the same way now. _She shook her head vigorously, more tears falling from her eyes as she did so. _Shit, now I'm crying for real. When was the last time I did that?_

The answer came to her in a flash. The reason she was having trouble accepting her own emotions was because Shinji was the only person who could bring them up this way. The thought of him with another woman, that bolt of unbridled jealousy and hatred, told her that Shinji was the key to unlocking her own emotions.

She needed him in order to tell him everything. It was twisted, but in many ways, it made sense.

Turning about, she ran back the way she had come, dashing through the entrance to the park and into the grove of sakura trees. She returned to where she had been standing initially and looked to the tree where Shinji had been.

But now there was no one. The empty tree stood alone on the hill, shedding a few petals in the light breeze and carrying them off into the distance. Asuka sighed and turned to leave.

Another petal fell on her nose. Rather than brushing it off angrily, the girl picked it off gently and let it float to the ground before heading back home.

( 0 0 0 )

The door to the apartment slid open, and Asuka kicked her shoes off, her feet aching from the long walk to and from the park. She walked into the kitchen and took a step back in surprise as she saw Shinji seated at the kitchen table, holding a glass of water and staring at it a bit. He turned and faced her, smiling a little. "Asuka," he said, and his tone betrayed no hint of anything resembling anger or resentment. This bothered Asuka more than anything else would have. How could he act so friendly now?

"Shinji…" she said, hardly believing the sight before her. Not only had he returned, but he had not brought Rei with him, as she had feared he would, and he did not seem angry with her! What in the world was going on in his mind?

"Shinji, I… about what happened earlier…"

He raised a hand to cut her off. "Asuka, I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you, regardless of what you did. It was uncalled for, and I understand that now. It's just… at the time, I was so angry I couldn't control myself."

Asuka cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean 'at the time'? You can't tell me you're not angry anymore!"

Shinji shook his head, maintaining a small smile for a few seconds, but it flickered away. "I'm not angry with you, Asuka."

The girl was mystified. _How could this be?_

"But…" she said, "I deserved it. You don't have to apologize."

Shinji took a drink of the water. "I guess we both had some stuff to figure out, huh?" He chuckled mirthlessly, moving from his seat and setting the glass in the sink.

Asuka hesitated, the words she was trying to speak forming a lump in her throat. She was beginning to hate that sensation, the strangulation of a thought. She suppressed it forcefully and said, "Shinji… what were you and Rei talking about today?" She tried her hardest to keep the accusing tone of her voice to a minimum, but some of it still managed to creep into her words.

"I was wondering when you were going to ask that," Shinji responded, walking into the living room. Asuka followed him.

"Wait," she said, "you _knew _I was there?"

"Not until you had already left the park. When you walked out, I noticed you. Then I came back home, and Ayanami left as well."

"And you didn't think to come talk to me!" She abandoned her restraint, but Shinji didn't flinch.

"I was worried. I needed some time to think over my words before I spoke to you again."

Something about his voice was different. He was speaking with an unusual eloquence, as though everything had been carefully mapped out beforehand. "What do you mean?"

"Before I get to that, you wanted to know what I talked to Ayanami about, right?"

Asuka nodded, and Shinji recounted everything.

( 0 0 0 )

_Shinji inhaled the soft scent of the sakura tree behind him and smiled, feeling the calming effect take hold of his senses. He needed this relaxation, mostly to drive away the anxiety that was building up in him. He knew that he would have to face Asuka sooner or later (later rather than sooner, he hoped), but for the moment he needed the time to think. _

_He heard a twig snap, and his eyes opened. "Ayanami," he said._

_Sure enough, the blue-haired girl stood in front of him, the usual stoic expression on her face. She was holding one of her arms behind her back, a posture that Shinji had seen her take on many occasions. "Hello, Ikari," Rei said, her calm voice the perfect complement to the scent of the sakura trees. _

_"It's nice to see you again."_

_Rei looked at him inquisitively. "It is nice to see you again, as well. Now that your memories are back, that is."_

_Her statement sent Shinji reeling. "How could you tell?"_

_"The tone of your voice when you spoke was more subdued. It seemed more like you than the way you spoke when you were amnesic."_

_Shinji nodded, amazed at Rei's powers of observation but in no mood to dwell on the subject. _

_"You do not look well, Ikari. Is something wrong?"_

_The young man hesitated, unsure as to whether or not he should speak. He relented and said, "Yeah. I kind of… got into an argument with Asuka."_

_"Has Sohryu been causing problems?"_

_Noticing the edge in Rei's voice, Shinji chuckled lightly and said, "You could say that, I guess. It's not really her fault, though. I overreacted, is all."_

_"And yet you are here, rather than elsewhere. Why?" Rei's bluntness came as no surprise to Shinji, but for some reason he still found it difficult to speak with her._

_"Well, a number of reasons. It's a long story."_

_Rei looked at him for a moment and then sat down under the tree near him. He could not see her directly, and it made things easier. Why this was so, Shinji could not figure out._

_"I have time," he heard Rei say. "And perhaps it will do you some good to explain everything."_

_Shinji took a deep breath, the light scent of the cherry blossoms once more filling his senses, and he told Rei the whole tale, from the loss of his memory (which he knew that she knew already, but telling it made him feel marginally better) all the way to the confrontation with Asuka the night before. He told her how she had used him, tried to bring him back as _she _wanted him, rather than how he was before. Occasionally, throughout the tale, Shinji would hear a thoughtful noise issue from where Rei was seated. When he finished, there was a long silence, penetrated only by the sound of his own breathing and the rustling of the blossoms overhead._

_Rei eventually spoke. "I suppose this is beyond my understanding," she said. Shinji noted a defeated tone in her voice, as though it pained her that she could not help him. "Emotion is not something I comprehend fully, and these events were clearly based off of emotion, not logic."_

_Shinji chuckled lightly. "Yes, I suppose that's true."_

_"As much as I dislike Sohryu, however, I believe I understand why she did what she did."_

_Shinji turned and looked at the side of Rei's head. "What?"_

_"Sohryu cares for you, correct?"_

_Thinking back to Asuka's words the night before, Shinji said, "Yes, but I don't see…"_

_Rei cut him off. "Acting as she did makes sense, then."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"It is a natural human tendency to have an aversion to things we dislike and to have an attraction to the things we do like. Even stronger is the attraction to the things we love. Thus it makes sense. Sohryu would want to bring forth the memories that determined the qualities about you that she found desirable and, conversely, to quash the ones that determined your undesirable features."_

_Shinji thought about this for a moment. "But… it's not right, is it?"_

_"Of course not. What is necessary is not to prove whether her actions were right or wrong. What must be done is to _understand _the motive behind them. That is the key."_

_Again, the young man paused for a moment of reflection. "You're right, Ayanami. I know you are. But what do I do?"_

_Rei turned to look at him. "You must decide that for yourself."_

_Shinji paused for a while and then stood. "All right. I know what I'm going to do. Thank you, Ayanami."_

_A small smile made itself visible on Rei's face. "You are welcome, Ikari."_

_With those parting words, Shinji dashed off toward the apartment._

( 0 0 0 )

"And so," Shinji finished, "I came back here."

"But I don't get it," Asuka said. "How can you not be angry anymore? After what I did?"

Shinji looked at the wall for a second then met her gaze once more. "What Rei said made sense to me. You did it because of emotions. Emotions don't have to make sense."

Silence fell again. Asuka was beginning to despise awkward silences like this one, and rather than tolerate it, she broke it. "Shinji, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

Asuka took a deep breath. "My past. Everything."

"But…" the young man said.

Asuka raised a finger to silence him. "Part of a relationship is trust. I trust you enough to tell you this."

Before Shinji could ask what Asuka meant by a relationship, Asuka related to him one of the most tragic stories he had ever heard. She told him of how her mother had gone insane, thinking that a doll was her only daughter. She told him of how that same woman had hung herself, leaving Asuka behind with her stepmother until she came to Tokyo-3. She told him everything she could think of, every painful memory that she could dredge up. And finally, she told him of how the Fifteenth Angel had invaded her mind, the same as it had done with his own, and thrown all of these long-suppressed memories into the light.

At some point during her tale, the pair had become seated on the couch, and after she finished, another silence fell. Shinji spoke. "I'm sorry, Asuka."

"Why should you be? It's not your fault, idiot." She smiled. Again, she had called him an idiot, but with that endearing tone that he had heard her use occasionally.

"Still… I hate that it had to happen to you."

"Well, think about it this way. The way you are now is a result of your memories, right?"

Shinji snorted with laughter. "I would have thought you figured that out, after everything that's happened."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, idiot. Seriously, though, that's the reason you are who you are, right?"

"I suppose," Shinji said, getting his laughter under control.

"It's the same for me, I guess," Asuka said. She looked at Shinji, wondering how he would reply.

"You're right. But… that shouldn't be all that defines you."

Asuka looked at him oddly. This was most definitely _not _the answer she had expected. "What do you mean?"

"If I could do everything over again, I would still have things I would want to change. Some things are beyond my control, of course, but others… if I had made different decisions, maybe things would have come out better than they are now."

Shinji's eyes locked onto hers. "Isn't there anything that _you _would change?"

She thought about it. Asuka already knew what her reply would be, but she wanted to make it seem as though it were a hard thing to decide. "I guess I'd be nicer to you."

"Really?" His eyes lit up, and a smile became plastered on his face.

"Really," Asuka said, not a trace of sarcasm or bitterness in her voice for once.

Each of them became lost in their own thoughts for a while. The air was getting cooler, and the light was starting to fade. Another night was almost upon them, the sunset's reddish hue becoming visible. Shinji looked at Asuka as she stared out the window, and she noticed his gaze. "What?"

Shinji paused. "Can I ask you a question?" he finally said.

"What is it?"

"What did you mean earlier when you said 'trust is part of a relationship'?"

"I thought I made that pretty clear," she said, missing his point entirely.

"No, I meant… what did you mean by a relationship?"

Somehow, after he said it, Asuka knew she should have suspected this inquiry. She sighed, contemplating how she was going to explain the insane jumble of emotions in her heart. Finally, with a supreme effort, she spoke. "Shinji, I really have no idea how to deal with people. I bet Wondergirl knows more about emotion than I do. At least this kind anyway."

She choked on her words, but she forced them to come out. She had to say this, or she might never have the courage again. "But… that doesn't mean I don't want to try." She scooted toward Shinji, placing her hand upon his in an unusually affectionate gesture. "That is, if you'll let me."

Shinji looked into her eyes – those beautiful cerulean eyes that he had so longed to stare into – and smiled. "Asuka… two days ago, I saved your life because I loved you. And do you know what's changed in forty-eight hours?"

"What?"

She felt his fingers entwine with her own.

"Absolutely nothing."

She smiled and rested her head on his shoulder, allowing a small, satisfied sigh to pass through her lips. "So, are we going to try this?"

"Of course."

"That's what I wanted to hear." Asuka looked at him and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

As she sat there on the couch, comfortable in the embrace, Asuka knew that she had succeeded. She had brought Shinji back from the brink of oblivion. Not on her own, of course, but it could not have happened without her. She had preserved both sides of Shinji Ikari, made him more confident, and helped him bring out his feelings for her.

At the same time, Asuka knew that Shinji had done as much for her as she had done for him. He had shown her the error of her ways, taught her a lesson in selfishness, and gotten her to admit that she loved him. The admission was to both herself and to Shinji.

It seemed that in forty-eight hours an entire cycle had been completed.

Life, Death, and Rebirth.

Now that the final step was completed, they could keep going. Neither one of them were quite sure where they were going or what would happen.

That was part of the adventure.

Author's Notes: And thus, the saga is completed! My thanks to everyone who reviewed. I hope you all enjoyed the final chapter of _Rosenrot._

Prereading credit, as usual, goes to That Other Guy and Scout, both of whom were instrumental in getting this completed. Thanks, guys. I couldn't have done it without you!

(Runs off to do a Shinji/Rei story.)


End file.
